1
My Friend Kaleeba tells a story
Of his niece and cousin;
They are watching a TV show
His cousin is interrupting
She tells him to shut up
He says
“Never shut up a man.”
She is 9
He is 6
2
You go to a job interview
And get an offer
To be a mistress
3
We at a friend’s house
For an all nighter
A friend makes French toast bread for everyone
One person tastes it
Likes it
Turns to her
And says
“Marriage fall on you.”
4
Dinah’s lecturer
Says
“If as a woman you are poor
You are misusing your sexuality”
5
My friend Mitchy
Takes me for chicken
After the meal
She asks for the bill and pays
Waiter returns the change
And gives it to me
6
With my girlfriend
We are talking about what names
We will give our children when we finally have them
I ask her to suggest some names
She immediately sends me options from her father’s side
7
In Church
My cousin gives a fat cheque
To build the church
The preacher thanks her
Then looks to her husband
And thanks him
He adds
“Ninkwebaza ahabwokuba amani g’omukazi wawe gari omuri iwe.”
8
Me and my friend Bella
Are talking about women empowerment
She says the idea of women proposing is too much
Too radical
The joke here is in the insinuation
It’s the same thing as being in the middle of unshackling a prisoner
And they ask you to unshackled one wrist only
Unshackling both
Would be
Too far
Too radical
9
Why do we women fear men?
Maybe
There is something about a scrotum
That makes it look like a bomb
10
Sheebah sings the song “Akuuse”
In an article
By a big daily
She is described
As an independent lady
And a beautiful example of emancipation
Perhaps the real joke
Is how we have emancipated
Women from Chattels to sex symbols
11
In Kirihura
I discuss marriage
With a few village women
They all laugh
At the possibility of having marriage without violence
One says
God made men
Physically more powerful for a reason.
Lydia once said
That most domestic violence is really attempted murder
That the best marriage advise for young women is
“Quarrel with your spouse and you are dead.”
12
Today
I still laugh at a memory
From my childhood
My father coming home
Dead drunk
Shouting to my mother
“Kamwiine, Today fire!”
13
Pr. Lubega Quotes 1 Corinthians 11:3
“The head of every man is Christ
And the head of every woman is the man”
He addresses men and says
“To your wife you are the ultimate answer.”
14
At a family graduation dinner
For my sister
My aunt says to her
“You need to hold up on those big dreams and first find a man to hold you.”
15
A friend asks me
Why I am feminist
He asks
“Isn’t it a female problem?”
I tell him
We as men need to keep our fellow men accountable
We need to rid our society
Of its permissiveness to the mistreatment of women
This is not a joke
16
My friend
Was raped by her boyfriend
I got to know
Years and years later
She tells me
She didn’t know what to do
Her mother
Would have killed her
Her friends wouldn’t have cared
For many years
She didn’t even laugh once
17
Everyday
I laugh at how the word
“Nyoko”
Is used as an offensive word
18
Women can’t count