He steps on my white sneakers
I ask him to mind where he steps
He says
I am only 12, learn to be patient
I say
It’s not my fault. My whole generation was born running.
He says
This is a concert; don’t you have any good things to think about?
I say
I don’t know. I don’t think so.
He says
Try losing some weight
I say
But you can’t say that: you are fat too.
He says
Not true. Not true. I am losing weight around the arms.
I ask him how he got so fat
He said his father used to buy him chicken everyday and leave him in the car
His father would sit at a veranda of a bar nearby
He says he needed the weight anyway
So that he could carry his heavy school bag
I ask him what he loves about school
He says
The fact that I am not learning
I ask him why he loves that
He says
I find romance in ironies
In congratulate him on his anti-clockwiseness
He says
I observe that you are running out of time to marry
I say
Not quite, I still have at least ten years
He says
No, you have like two. Because after that it’s the war.
I ask
Which war?
He asks
Do your eyes work?
I ask him again
Which war?
He says
The one we are already fighting
I ask him
The one about political change?
He says
Clearly in primary school you weren’t beaten for applying question marks in the place of full stops because my teacher says that’s genocide against punctuation.
I ask him what he thinks of Bobi Wine
He says
Bobi is just like Museveni, but with a better discography
I ask him who he thinks is the best politician in Uganda
He says
Ibrahim Ssekagya
I say
But Ssekagya is a footballer and not a politician
He says
But that’s the point!
Vinka comes on stage.
We stop talking.
I ask him about his mother
He says
Which one?
I say
The one who gave birth to you?
He says
There is never one birth. Point to a specific mother.
I ask him what he thinks of Uganda
He says
Most times, I don’t think about it.
I ask him
On the other times?
He says
On the other times I am sitting inside a car parked near a bar located near a shop where women go looking for bums, I thought you were listening.
I ask him what he wants to be in the future
He says
Ask me after the war. If you survive it.
I tell him there will be no war
He says
Mention that as a prayer, not a statement of fact.
I ask him if he has a girlfriend
He says
I am still looking for a girl with the right braces
I ask him about his siblings
He says
My brother strangled himself and left a note “I did this for personal reasons”
I say
That’s sad. Am sorry.
He says
He was fat too. He won’t fit through heaven’s gate
I say
Maybe they will put up a tent for him outside
He says
Fair point.
Bebe Cool comes on stage.
We sing along.
He says
Unlike Bebe Cool, Vinka can really dance. She moves like it’s all a movie.
I ask him
What’s your favourite movie?
He says
None.
I ask
Why?
He says
Isn’t it obvious? They don’t make movies anymore
I say
That’s not true
He says
Every movie I have watched is an old movie with new visuals. Its always Colombian cocaine, trafficking in Asia, hunger in Africa and an American superhero with blue eyes.
I say
What’s wrong with blue eyes?
He says
Blue eyes are for dolphins, not people
I say
Don’t say that. That’s racist, take that back.
He says,
I talked about every movie being about Colombian cocaine and hunger in Africa and you didn’t find that racist and that’s racist.
I ask him if he thinks we will ever have a fair world
He says
Look man, I am just a fat kid who doesn’t believe in germs. Don’t you have any questions for people my age?
